Isaac's
THEME PARK DINER
After much local fanfare, The Grand Hotel’s new NY style brasserie has finally opened, promising to bring ‘the buzz of the Big Apple’ to Birmingham. With my social media feed awash with posts and images, my interest is fully piqued. But no photo can capture the energy of a roomful of diners playing along with the fantasy of being in Manhattan.
It’s a room with great bones, not least the ornate-coffered, high ceiling that’s perfect for its ostentatious art deco styling, with green leather banqueted booths, clustered globe lights, mirrored pillars and tiling that simply refuses to play second fiddle. We could as easily be in an Art Nouveau café in Paris but they’re their rules and the Big Apple it is.
The illusion starts outside, with a NY-style street sign, the graffiti-ed entrance and a menu that’s star-spangled with American classics. And as I’ve been up since 5am, my feeling of jet lag is fueling my own New York state of mind.
Vegetarian and vegan choices are fairly limited but our daughter—a London-based, impoverished student—is happy enough just to be eating out. Her fried, lightly battered strips of mushroom ‘calamari’ and aioli have an undeniably ‘squid-like’ texture and get a thumbs up.
Fried mushroom ‘calamari’, aioli
I’ve negotiated a sharing plates situation with three starters, the first being BBQ sticky pork belly ribs. It’s more a gravy and certainly not sweet nor sticky, but the meat falls from the bone with barely any encouragement. It’s a decent start, even if it’s not what it says on the tin.
BBQ sticky pork belly ribs, vinegar slaw
There’s nothing wrong with the crisp chicken wings with BBQ sauce, although they’re nothing to get excited about either.
Crispy chicken wings, BBQ sauce
From the ‘raw’ bar, the micro cut steak tartare initially has me purring, but once the creamy sweetness of the egg yolk is gone, the predominant flavour is vinegar.
Steak tartare, cornichons, shallots, parsley, egg
A waiter then arrives with apologies about an accident with the cauliflower vegan main which has caused a delay, announcing they’ll redo it and bring them all out together. We’re told our next round of drinks is on the house. Ordinarily, I’d fill my boots but we’re not short in that department, including an excellent bottle of Côtes du Rhône, that’s definitely one to savour.
When the mains arrive, the Cajun-spiced cauliflower steak with toasted almond and chimichurri is deemed “good, but nothing that I wouldn’t make on a Tuesday night.”
Cajun-spiced cauliflower steak, toasted almond, chimichurri
My ‘New York style hot dog’ looks like it’s been flown in from JFK, but that thought is snatched away with the first bite, its flavour being pure British banger. Although it’s the soggy, barely warm, mess of shoestring fries, that rings the alarm bell that our mains have been sat in the kitchen for the time they’ve taken to re-do the cauliflower.
New York style hot dog’ with sauerkraut, red cabbage slaw, mustard, ketchup
But far worse than cold, flaccid fries, is a half lobster that’s been destroyed. The hot lamp has rendered the Newberg ‘sauce’ as a dry, caked crust with the flesh dried out. How a kitchen could even think to send this out is beyond me.
Grilled half lobster ‘Newberg’, Madeira, cayenne Hollandaise
We call the waitress over and she’s beyond apologetic, offering to bring us more chips. I point out it’s not really the issue but two more bowls of chips arrive anyway and it feels like I’m a seal being thrown sardines. We’re also offered another round of free drinks—despite still not having taken up the first offer.
And with that, the illusion disappears; I’d willingly disengaged reality, but I’m left feeling like the whole New York theme and highly stylised room is nothing more than a veneer, masking what has been theme park grub.
I would feel conned, but we’re told they will only charge us for the drinks, which comes in at £68.53 including service charge.
Unfortunately, this is no fairytale of New York.
28 Barwick Street, Birmingham B3 2NT
